Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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