There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
