Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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