shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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