Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
