i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
