i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
