it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
