I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
