Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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