I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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