Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
