im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
