The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
