how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
