there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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