Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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