Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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