I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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