She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
