I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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