I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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