this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
