Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I will pee on everything he values.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize