Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My life is pants optional.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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