Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
