She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
