So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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