Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
