hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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