i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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