The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
