i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
