He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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