I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
