We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Who died my cat blue again?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
