There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
