was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
