I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
