I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
