I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
