Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
