we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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