Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
