I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
