If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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