my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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