The maid of honor just puked.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
