on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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