I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
