Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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