how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Welp...herpes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
