btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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