I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
