This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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