Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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