He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
