U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
