he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Every concussion has its silver lining
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
