she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
