I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
