I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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