HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
