Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
