well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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