I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize