So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
