Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
