Do you still have your period?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
