It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
