How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
