whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
my liver is dry heaving
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
