Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
And then he peed in my hair
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