Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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