apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
