does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My bed smells like the plague
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
