Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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