Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
