They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
