I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
