why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
